


As It Was

by etheralavellan



Series: Nathaniel Howe x Eliza Cousland [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Game Dialogue, Sequel, Smut, cousland is a badass, nathaniel is just an ass, no beta reader we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25442227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etheralavellan/pseuds/etheralavellan
Summary: In which Nathaniel Howe reunites with the youngest Cousland under what may be the worst conditions he could imagine.
Relationships: Female Cousland/Nathaniel Howe, Nathaniel Howe/Female Warden
Series: Nathaniel Howe x Eliza Cousland [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842775
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	As It Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And tell me if somehow some of it remained  
>  How long you would wait for me  
> How long I’ve been away_
> 
> “As It Was” by Hozier

Nathaniel was barely phased when he heard the creaking of the heavy door opening. He couldn’t even bring himself to spare a glance up from the random design he was drawing into the filthy floor of his cell as the guard began to address the new presence. 

“Ah, commander! Good thing you’re here,” the young guard stated with relief. Nathaniel tried to disguise a scoff as a cough. “This one’s been locked up three nights now. Good men died while this one was protected in his cell. He won’t say who he is,” he explained. “I’d say he’s just a thief, but it took four grey wardens to capture him. You best be careful. Whoever he is, he’s no ordinary burglar, that’s for sure.”

Nathaniel didn’t try to hide to cocky smirk that found its way to his face. However, it was wiped clean off when he heard the voice of the commander. 

“Leave me to talk with him,” commanded a familiar, smoky voice. Nathaniel felt his heart squeeze in his chest as he refused to look up to confirm his suspicions. 

The guard replied to his commander, but Nathaniel couldn’t make himself focus enough to understand what the boy said. He could barely register the sound of the door closing on his way out, leaving Nathaniel alone with the last person he expected. It took no time for her to unlock his cell door and creak it open, inviting herself inside. 

Finally, Nathaniel stood and looked to his company. His breath hitched as he took in her features. What use to be a long, tangled mess of ginger curls was chopped short at the young woman’s chin, framing a much more slim, stern looking face. Her entrancing emerald eyes now caught attention in an entirely different way—it seemed as though she could drive daggers into a man with just a look, and Nathaniel tried to ignore the way they seemed to soften when they landed on his face. Her body, once full and soft and dressed with the finest silks was now hardened, powerful muscles flexing with each movement, adorned with the highest quality rogue armor he had ever laid eyes on. Her arms crossed as he noticed the bow secured to her back, and Nathaniel concluded that this once feisty young girl was now a force to be reckoned with. Just one look at her told him only a fool would dare challenge her. 

And a fool he was. “If it isn’t the great hero, conqueror of the Blight and vanquisher of all evil,” he spat, inwardly smacking himself when he saw the brief look of hurt that flashed across her features. Still, he continued, unable to reel in his bitter feelings. “Aren’t you supposed to be ten feet tall with lightning bolts shooting out of your eyes?”

Eliza cocked one groomed eyebrow. “The dark spawn probably think so,” she quipped.

Her nonchalance only served to fuel his fire. “You were the one who murdered my father!”

A downright intimidating look took over Eliza as her freckles face reddened, lips pursing. She stomped closer to him, finger poking his chest as she stared up at his face with furrowed brows. “Your father is a traitor! He brought his end on himself.”

Nathaniel noted the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, but he was seething at this point. He looked down at her and grabbed her hand, moving it away from his chest, taking a step forward. “My father served the Hero of the River Dane and fought against the Orlesians! Yet our family lost everything!” He never imagined he’d be defending his father, his family status, yet here he stood. 

When he saw Eliza’s challenging stance falter for just a moment, he backed down a bit. “I came here… I thought I was going to kill you. To lay a trap for you,” he admitted, slumping his shoulders and dropping his gaze to the ground. “Then I realized I just want to reclaim some of my family’s things. It’s all I have left.”

Nathaniel felt some regret as Eliza’s features further softened and she took a few steps back, giving him space. She seemed to struggle to find words, but finally spoke. “I’m sorry. What happened was unfortunate.”

The generic apology threatened to boil his blood once more, but he simply stood back and crossed his arms. “I guess it was unfortunate for everyone, wasn’t it?” He stated coldly. When the woman in front of him failed to respond, he continued. “Look, I know you’re a hero. You fought a war and you won, and to the victor go the spoils, right? Whatever my father did, however, shouldn’t harm my whole family. The Howe’s are pariahs now, those of us left. It’s all thanks to you. And now you get to decide my fate. Ironic, isn’t it?”

Nathaniel swore he saw Eliza’s lip quiver, and her voice cracked on her reply. “Do you really hate me so much?” she questioned earnestly. 

It was almost enough to shatter his heart. No matter his feelings for her or their history, though, he couldn’t forget what she had done. His voice softened, attempting to reassure instead of instigate. “The dark spawn are a menace. If it weren’t for the Blight, maybe my father would never have… done what he did.”

Eliza pondered for a moment, then her features steeled. “I’ve decided what to do with you.”

“Already? Good.”

~*~

It didn’t take long for the seneschal to arrive to Nathaniel’s cell, eager to hear the fate that the commander had chosen.

“I see you’ve spoken to our guest,” the graying man stated casually. “Quite the handful, isn’t he? Have you decided what’s to be done with him?”

Nathaniel couldn’t help holding his breath as he waited for Eliza’s response, seeming to take forever. He entirely expected to be hanged for his behavior. 

“Release him. I want him gone,” she simply stated, turning on her heel and walking out of the room before either man could reply. They were both left sputtering in disbelief.

~*~

Nathaniel felt his heart lurch when he returned to his family’s—no, the Grey Warden’s estate. After he had a few days to cool off, he realized he couldn’t leave her without a fight, not after so many years of missing Eliza and especially not after treating her so harshly, only for her to show him mercy. He had returned to to beg for forgiveness, to hopefully be a part of her life—but he wouldn’t blame her if she rejected him.

Upon his return, he saw her circling the grounds with a young, blond mage, hair tied in a messy ponytail and dressed in fancy robes. Nathaniel wasn’t close enough to hear their conversation, but he could see Eliza’s face contort in giggles as the mage cracked jokes, his touches lingering on her waist and poorly hidden glances he would shoot to her backside each time she would double over in laughter. 

It was only natural. Eliza was breathtaking, the most gorgeous he had ever seen her—young, fit, powerful. Of course she’d open her eyes and find a wise cracking, handsome man her age. Nathaniel’s age was beginning to show—crow’s feet decorating his eyes, frown lines and dark circles forming. Not to mention given recent events, he only had old, stained, torn clothes and greasy hair, patchy scruff on his jaws. If she was out of his league years ago, she was on a completely different playing field now. Despite his rationalization, he couldn’t help the jealousy that grew with each step he took toward the couple. 

Fits of laughter stopped abruptly as he approached, Eliza’s back straightening and features turning to stone. 

“W-wait, I want to talk to you,” Nathaniel stammered before she could turn and walk away. 

The mage grinned and leaned towards Eliza’s ear. “Don’t look now, but I think the bird’s come flying back,” he ‘whispered’ loud enough for Nathaniel to hear. 

To Nathaniel’s relief, Eliza turned to glare daggers into the poor mage, resulting in the man backing up with his hands lazily held up in defeat. 

Nathaniel fought the urge to throw a triumphant gesture the mage’s way, instead stepping closer to Eliza. “You… set me free. Just let me go, despite what I said or what I might do. I want to know why.”

The ginger turned back to the mage. “Go, Anders. I need to talk with him alone.” After sputtering a few short refusals and concerns, the man finally reluctantly trudged back toward the castle. 

“I’m not looking for a fight with you, Nathaniel,” Eliza sighed, shoulders slumping forward. For the first time since seeing her again, she wasn’t the ever powerful Grey Warden. She was a small, exhausted young woman, tired of the burden of carrying the world on her shoulders. Nathaniel felt his heart beating in his chest as familiar butterflies gathered in his stomach. He still loved her. He wanted nothing more at this point than to help her, protect her. 

“Take me with you,” Nathaniel requested. “Make me a Grey Warden.”

Eliza’s bright green eyes snapped up to meet his, shock written all over her face. If he looked close enough, Nathaniel would almost bet he saw fear, as well. 

“You must be joking!” she retorted, shaking her head and taking a step back. 

He followed with a step forward, chuckling with his response. “I almost can’t believe I’m asking, but I am serious.” His expression softened slightly before he continued. “I have nowhere to go. I fully expected to die in there, maybe even wanted to. But you let me go. Make me a Grey Warden. Let me try. Please.”

A single tear escaped Eliza’s eye, and Nathaniel hesitated only for a moment before wiping it away, letting his hand linger on her cheek. She leaned into his touch briefly before regaining her composure, air of confidence and aloofness returning to her features. 

“Very well. We’ll see how you do with the Joining.”

~*~

“From this moment forth, Nathaniel Howe, you are a Grey Warden.”

Nathaniel inhaled sharply as he took the large goblet in both hands, looking at his reflection in the rich, dark liquid. He spared a glance to Eliza. 

She was nearby, watching while tapping her foot and worrying at her lip. Nathaniel didn’t think he had ever seen her so nervous. It almost made him reconsider. However, he thought of that short moment in the courtyard in which she let her guard down. His doubt melted away at the image, of the thought that he could spend more time with her, help her, get to know her all over again—maybe even fall in love over again. 

With that thought, his decision was set. “The moment of truth,” he murmured as he tipped back the goblet, thick liquid bitter on his tongue and burning as it slid down his throat. Nathaniel immediately felt dizzy, hearing voices all around yet unable to pinpoint their location. His anxiety spiked and he dropped the cup, frantically spinning to look around the room for the source of the sounds as his body temperature rose, sweat causing his clothes to stick to his skin. With the added claustrophobia, it was all too much. He fell to the ground, the room around him going dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very long awaited sequel ^_^’ I’m going to apologize in advance, as a nurse working constant overtime given the current pandemic I don’t have much free time that’s not spent sleeping, so I cant promise consistent updates. I will work in it as much as I can, though. I’ve been wanting to start this again for literal years lol. The next chapters will be less in game dialogue, I just thought it would be good to set the scene from Nathaniel’s POV. Thank you for taking the time to read, I hope you enjoyed it and that you’ll bear with me through slow updates!


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